


Confessions of a Tavern-Keeper

by TRDowden



Category: Haven (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Fun, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-12-01 01:17:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11475570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TRDowden/pseuds/TRDowden
Summary: A glimpse behind the curtain at the Grey Gull...





	Confessions of a Tavern-Keeper

**Confessions of a Tavern-Keeper**

 

_Fluff, or rather, stream-of-consciousness writing. I had the idea that Duke would hire on the Troubled as staff at the Gull; not to quench a thirst for Troubled blood; but because he understands what it is to be Troubled himself. Set between Seasons Two and Three._

 

I hate that people think (well, the Guard mainly), that I just go around killing Troubled people willy-nilly. I am NOT my father, or anyone else in my family, I’m just me—still me—same old Duke Crocker I always was, and plan on being again just as soon as me and Nate and Audrey figure out how to make all this Trouble-y stuff go away.

 

You know, for being so up on all my movements, you’d think Sasquatch and his little Guard minions would know that I'm not like that. Especially given the fact that approximately three-quarters of my staff at the Gull are Troubled! 

 

When I first became Troubled, I already knew that some of my staff had Troubles within their families, like Tracy and her invisible vibrating husband, so I held a closed-door meeting with them (with Audrey sitting in), and basically reassured them that contrary to the rumor going around town (thanks again, Guard) that they were not my personal hit list if they were Troubled.

I explained that short of them being able to cause immediate death or severe injuries, I had no intention of firing (or killing) anybody that was Troubled, that they were safe at the Gull. I finished by saying that if they were Troubled in any way, to please speak up and say so without fear of reprisals.

 

What took me by surprise, however, was just how _many_ of them  were Troubled.

Brendan, my lead cook, for example, appears to be fireproof. I watched him demonstrate this ability by sticking his hand into a 350-degree deep fryer to retrieve Stephanie’s engagement ring, and all he got was a greasy hand. I have to remind him to use hot mitts whenever the health inspector’s around. It’s something to watch a guy handle red-hot kitchen pans without so much as a blister. Also kinda freaky, so we keep that little detail to ourselves here at the Gull as much as we can. The downside to his Trouble is that he is the biggest baby about cold. He's always griping the A/C is freezing him out, even though the other cooks all look like they've been sprayed with the hose. He's like Adam Sandler in  _Little Nicky_ , freezing when everyone else is burning up.

 

Another Troubled employee I have is one of my bartenders, Kelly. Kelly’s Trouble is she has total recall. Now while that may sound like an awesome thing to be able to do, unfortunately, the way Kelly’s Trouble is, anything she wants to tell you turns into a twenty-minute torrent of every minute detail of what happened leading up to the events of what you asked her about, because if she doesn't tell you Every. Last. Freaking. Detail, she forgets what she was supposed to tell you entirely. The Haven version of OCD. 

 

However, to her credit, she also remembers every meal somebody’s eaten there, every drink they’ve ever had, and every rowdy joke she’s ever heard, so Kels does very well for herself tip-wise due to her ‘attentiveness’ to customers.

 

Saffron, my relief cook, is Rosemary the baker’s sister, and like her sister (who knew?) anything she makes is insanely addictive. I have to literally stop myself from phoning her in the middle of the night to make me her icebox peanut butter cookies. Saffy’s my ace in the hole at the Gull—I have good recipes, but when she does them, we’re literally turning them away at the door on the nights she cooks. She's a great cook, but she moves slower than molasses in January on the cook line, where Brendan's King Hustle.

 

But I think my favorite Trouble (if one can have a favorite Trouble) is Vivienne. Vivienne has an Earwig Trouble-if she starts singing a song, so does everyone else within hearing range. She was fired from the Haven Tea Room because she started singing Van Halen’s _‘I Can’t Wait to Feel Your Love Tonight’_ on a bet with the cook and the Haven Historical League was having a luncheon there. Dave Teagues tells me it was quite a sight watching all the elder blue-nosed members of Haven society belting out the song.

 

Nathan Wuornos doesn’t know it yet, but I’m turning Vivienne out on the floor tonight to start a new feature at the Gull—the Grey Gull Happy Hour Sing-Along. Audrey is going to love it; Nate—not so much. I may even leave out my earplugs. Sometimes, you just have to take one for the team.


End file.
